My first STD was from a foam party
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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