His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize