just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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