is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
