The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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