I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
