my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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