Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
