I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
