oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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