I accidentally burped into my bong.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
