I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
