I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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