so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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