its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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