I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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