Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
