What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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