You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Terrible idea I love it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
