i wish there were pregnant emoticons
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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