It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
