The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
