I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Who died my cat blue again?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
