Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
