he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
