Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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