Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Are we still banned from the library?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize