once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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