Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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