and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
