he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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