Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
