you're like a bully in the Christmas story
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
