ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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