If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
