the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
