Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
