Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
