ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
