I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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