I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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