He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
