are you so shy because you have an std?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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