you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
