I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
