My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize