Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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