I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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