dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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