thus making me awesome and them whores
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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