Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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