I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
