Non-Jews are for practice
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The ass gains better be worth it
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