But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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