my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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