...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize