4 words: hood of his car
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
