So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
