The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
