apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
