We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
