why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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