Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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