I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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