Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
