I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
