Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
