Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
