i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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