I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
