I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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