So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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